What are the real keys of influence ?

How on earth do you influence others to do what you desire

There are dozens of show on TV these days , books and trainings (for example NLP and hypnotherapy) that say they will show you how to get people to do what you want. However , can you really do it ?

Well , the truth is yes AND no!

The truth is we cannot utter a few wizardly words and have other people do our bidding – and that’s a blessing , because it would suggest that we all could possibly be manipulated by anyone .

However we are all the time influencing people without even knowing it . The truth is , we cannot NOT influence.

Every time you go into a room or meet someone , you are influencing their thoughts and behavioursjust by being there in the same environment .

Whenever you speak you are affecting what is happening in that human’s mind.

Every time we send any communication we are influencing other people , and consequently it would be useful to know how we are influencing people and how we can do it better to get better results !

These are a few keys to influence:

  1. Begin from a ‘win-win’ mentality
    Others will usually know if you are trying to take them for a ride – even if it works for a while , they’ll be left resenting it. We have to think about a positive outcome for the other person as well as ourselves
  2. Ask yourself ‘ What do they want ?’
    The only way to effectively influence anyone else is to ask yourself what is in it for them. If you can answer that question and demonstrate how they can get it , you can achieve amazing results !
  3. Build rapport
    When I first went on an NLP Training I discovered some unbelievably potent skills for developing rapport. This is developed through matching and mirroring – really doing similar things to the other person, or copying someone's behaviour. Eg , assuming a similar posture to them – if they have their arms folded , cross your arms. Find common areas of interest in communication .
  4. Put yourself in the shoes of the other person
    Try to really imagine what is going on for the other person. If your communication doesn’t have the desired effect , keep changing what you are doing until you are getting the outcome you desire . Remember that if your communication doesn’t get the desired outcome , it may be largely to do with your way of communicating it, not them – be flexible!
  5. Invoke the law of reciprocity
    The law of reciprocity says that if we do something for someone else , they will want to do something for us . So at any chance you can, help other people – one day you’ll be happy you did when they help you !

 

Follow these keys to influence and you’ll get some pretty amazing results. There are many more steps that can also influence , and as a friend of mine who is a hypnotherapist in London once said ‘resistance in other people is usually a sign of our own inflexibility’.